Burn Me
by lovesickswallow
Summary: She was the only one who could ruin him so irrevocably. His ultimate downfall. (In which there is no such thing as too much leather, and chocolate and cigarettes is always a good combination. A series of ficlets will surely follow.) Mello x OC
1. Chapter 1

**First time posting on here... This will more or less just be a short story of how Mello and my OC came to reconnect. A series of ficlets will surely follow. I own nothing. **

"This is a bad idea." Maya stated adamantly, to no one in particular. Not that there was anyone around to hear her, anyway. She inhaled deeply on the cigarette clutched between her fingers and tried to stop the shaking of her hands as she looked up at the large building in front of her.

It was a mess, to be frank. It looked like it should have been abandoned years ago and, when she thought about it, probably was. No wonder it had been so impossible to find him, not that she had ever tried. She knew it was a bad idea then, and she knew it now. But she had come so far and a part of her would always be curious if she didn't find out exactly what he had gotten himself into.

However she realised she hadn't a clue how to proceed from here. Sure, she had followed Matt's directions to the front of the supposed mafia hideout, but _what now?_ She couldn't just waltz in and announce that she was back. She thought that more likely than not she would be shot the minute she stepped within proximity of the building.

She had parked her car on the far side of the road and was leant against it, eyeing the building in front of her as though she could intimidate it. She pulled her mobile phone out from the pocket of her leather pants and dialled Matt's number, her foot tapping an inconsistent pattern as she listened to the ring.

"Hello?" She heard him answer, and suddenly she was void of all thought. Hell, if she couldn't even speak to Matt how did she possibly think she would be able to face _him?_ He was silent a moment longer before he spoke again, his tone hushed. "Maya? Is that you?" Still, she said nothing. He was a smart guy, he would figure it out soon. "You're outside, aren't you?" She exhaled breathily and he took it as his confirmation.

Shit, he thought. He hadn't expected her to turn up so… suddenly.

"Well what am I supposed to do now?" She snapped suddenly, tired of waiting for him to speak. He didn't reply for a long moment and a part of her wanted to get back in her car and drive as far away from here as possible.

"Wait there." He told her finally, and then hung up. She looked around for any sign of human life but saw no one, and the loneliness put her on edge.

Matt soon emerged from the building and Maya felt her heart speed up with the excitement of seeing her long lost friend. She moved towards him but stopped when he held up a hand. He quickly crossed the road and came toward her, but she no longer had a smile on her face.

"Get in the car." He told her quickly and she hesitantly climbed back into the driver's seat. He opened the door on the passenger side and slid in beside her, closing it and letting out a deep breath. "Drive." She turned on the ignition and headed in the direction she had come, her hands clutching tightly to the steering wheel to stop the influx of emotions she was feeling.

"What the fuck is this, Matt?" She demanded angrily. The next moment she felt his arms around her and the car swerved dangerously on the road as she gasped in surprise. "You trying to get us killed?!" She shouted, leaning away from him and straightening the car.

"Sorry kiddo, couldn't have you hanging around the hideout like that. Too dangerous." Matt told her pleasantly, and she let out a growl.

"Then why did you give me the address?" She muttered, her anger growing with every passing second.

"Dunno, really. I didn't think it through. Take a left here." He told her, pointing down a road that she hesitantly took. "I should have just given you the directions to his house. Much safer."

"Being alone with him wouldn't necessarily be my idea of safe." Maya told him, suddenly nervous at the idea of being in his house.

"Look, he doesn't know you're here." Maya scoffed at the statement. As if she hadn't already known that. She wasn't stupid enough to believe that he had sent her that letter himself. "But he needs a reality check and I can't give it to him."

"And you think I can?" She asked exasperatedly, turning another corner when Matt directed her to do so.

"You have more of a chance than anyone else, Maya." She let out a sigh and tried not to think about the implications his words held.

It had been four years since she had seen the blonde haired genius, and she knew that a lot could change in that span of time. She knew he would not be happy to see her, either, and she knew that it would hurt to see that look of hatred in his eyes.

But more than that, she feared that she would receive not a look of hate, but of indifference. Hatred she could stand because at least it was _something_, it was an acknowledgement that he still felt something towards her. Indifference, she feared, would kill her.

"This is it." She was snapped out of her thoughts by Matt's voice as he pointed to an apartment on his left. Slowly, reluctantly, Maya stopped her car outside of the house and they both stepped out. She followed Matt's footsteps as they walked up the stairs to the front door. She wasn't surprised when he was able to push it open, no lock stopping him. He was always so careless with things like that.

The inside of the apartment did not surprise her either. It was mainly empty, no sense of personality to be found anywhere. A leather couch was placed haphazardly in what she guessed was the living room and a large television was placed in front of it. A small dining table was placed between what Maya distinguished as the kitchen and the living room, though it looked like it had never been used.

She warily stepped inside, relaxing slightly when Matt reassured her that he was definitely not here.

"He won't be back for at least an hour, I would say. Important business." She tried not to think about what he meant by 'business', but couldn't help but wonder if it involved killing someone. It wouldn't have been the first time he had killed, she knew.

She carefully placed her duffle bag onto the kitchen counter and let out a yawn, forcing herself to stay awake until she finally accomplished what she had come here to do. Not that she was entirely sure what that was exactly, but she knew it was important.

She pulled her worn down notebook from the side pocket of her bag and walked towards the leather couch, feeling her body sink pleasantly into it as she sat down. She felt comforted by the beeps that emitted from Matt's PSP every now and again as he sat beside her, neither of them saying much of anything as he played his games and she wrote down her thoughts.

She was only pulled back to reality by the slam of the front door as someone came home and she froze instantly, not having prepared herself for the moment to come quite so suddenly. Matt was standing in an instant, but she did not look over her shoulder to see what he was doing. She was quite literally frozen in place.

"Hey, M-,"

"Who's she?" His voice sent her heart into overdrive but she took a deep breath and blocked it out, carefully standing from the couch. She exhaled slowly and pushed her emotions down deep inside of her, where they had more often than not been hidden. She turned around, and for the first time in four years she was face to face with Mello.

His eyes widened when he saw her, but a moment later they were narrowed again and he was grabbing Matt by his collar and shoving him hard against the wall. Maya watched silently as Mello growled viciously, his grip tightening on the now ruined shirt.

"What the _fuck_ is _she_ doing here?" He demanded, but did not give Matt time to answer before he had released his hold on the other boy's shirt and turned his attention to Maya. She stood calmly by the couch, not having moved an inch.

"Mello." She stated, unsure what else she could possibly say in a moment like this. He walked towards her with a wild look in his eye, one she had not seen from him before. Mello had expected her to be afraid, to back away from him like everyone else, but she didn't. She stood her ground and he stopped right in front of her, close enough that she could smell the chocolate on his breath. At least one thing, she thought, hasn't changed.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" He sneered at her, and she tried not to falter, but her hands began to shake and she clenched them into fists at her side. Her nails dug into the palms of her hands and she focused on the pain instead of the look in Mello's eye. She needed a cigarette.

When she did not reply he looked at her a moment longer, his eyes darting between hers, before his eyes narrowed even further and he pushed past her and into a room she assumed was his bedroom. All in all, she decided that things could have gone a lot worse. She labelled it a success.

**What did you think? Leave an review and let me know, please! And favourite / follow if you dig it. **


	2. Chapter 2

Maya's eyes drifted open at the sound of a door opening and it took her a long moment to remember where she was. She looked towards the source of the sound and saw Mello standing in the doorway of his room, looking down at her sprawled out on his undoubtedly expensive sofa.

"You're still here." He stated with a cluck of his tongue and Maya remained silent, taking him in. She tried not to notice his lack of shirt but couldn't help it, marvelling at the definition that had appeared on his stomach and arms since the last time she had seen him. He certainly wasn't a boy anymore, that much Maya knew for certain.

She looked at the jagged scar that covered one of his shoulders, stretching down onto his arm and covering a small portion of his hand. She remembered Matt writing to her, detailing the explosion that had left Mello with terrible scarring. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but whatever it had been was much more terrible than what she now saw in front of her.

Mello walked towards her slowly and she didn't notice when she held her breath, gazing up curiously as he stopped in front of her. It took her a moment before it finally click and she bolted upright, scooting herself into the corner of the large sofa to allow him room to sit. Mello sat silently on the opposite end of the couch and Maya couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at the distance left between them.

She couldn't help it when her eyes scanned his face, looking for any trace of the boy she had remembered. She was sure that he was still in there somewhere, buried away underneath the mass of scarring perhaps. As she looked over it, she found herself thinking that it looked like mountains. It didn't scare her, not at all, but she thought Mello would have liked the threatening preconception it brought about.

"You're staring." Mello told her sharply, and she swiftly averted her eyes. As she gazed down into her lap she noticed her fingers shaking once again and decided that she was more prone to fits of anxiety when Mello was around. She reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out her pack of cigarettes, placing one gingerly between her lips before she hesitated.

Glancing momentarily towards the blonde, she asked, "Do you mind if I smoke in here?"

Mello twitched at the sound of her voice because _god_, _it had been so fucking long since he had heard it._ He hated the chill that ran through him.

"Do what you want. I don't care." He told her bluntly, his eyes focused intently on the television in front of them as though the most fascinating program in the world was currently airing. In reality, he stared at nothing but a blank screen.

Maya quickly lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, her hands instantly calming as the smoke corrupted her lungs. She slumped back on the couch ever so slightly and chanced another brief look in Mello's direction, only to find him staring back at her. She thought that he stared at her as he had the television, like she was the most important thing in the world. But she knew that was an absurd thought, a childish fantasy.

As her eyes connected with his, Mello found himself really _looking _at her for the first time. She looked older now, as though she had been through things that had worn down her once shining eyes. They looked to be a dull shade of green as he stared at them, and he felt angry with himself for not being there to protect her from whatever had dulled her life. She was thinner now, as well. Too thin perhaps, Mello thought. He noticed the stiffness in her shoulders and realised his blatant staring, immediately lowering his gaze to ease her tension. Mello let out a sigh and she leant ever so slightly closer towards him, her impulsive need to comfort him seemingly making an appearance.

"What are you doing here, Maya?" He finally asked, and Maya had to ignore the fluttering of her heart as her name floated effortlessly from his lips. She didn't realise that her name had left him choking on bitter memories and words that threatened to spill out at any moment. Too many words.

"I heard you've gotten into some trouble." Maya shrugged, taking another puff of her cigarette. She tossed the words around for a moment before speaking them, aware that she was treading on _very_ thin ice. "The mafia, Mello?" Although she had tired to disguise it, Mello caught the prominent disappointment that dripped from her words. He clenched his fists at his sides, anger bubbling to the surface at an alarming rate.

"I'll fucking kill that prick." He growled, unbelieving that Matt could have possibly resorted to such drastic measures. Of all the shitty things the gamer could have done, why did he have to call _her?_ "Why do you care, anyway?" Mello snapped at her and she sighed, knowing she should have expected his anger.

"Regardless of your feelings towards me, I still care about you, Mello." Maya laughed dryly and Mello shot her an icy glare. "God knows why."

Mello sprang to his feet at her words and she thought she had truly upset him. She wondered if he would retreat back into his bedroom, or perhaps take his anger out on her physically. Instead, he walked towards the small dining table and grabbed his jacket off of it. He reached into the inside pocket and retrieved a block of chocolate. Ripping the foil off hastily, he snapped off a large chunk and swallowed it quickly, appreciative of the distraction.

"You shouldn't have come here." Mello told her, still standing motionless by the table. Now it was Maya who focused intently on the television, wishing desperately that she had some way to distract herself from what he was telling her.

Mello then walked past her and back into the confines of his room and Maya thought that was the end of it. She was surprised to see him re-emerge a moment later. He clutched a blanket tightly in his hand and stared at her for a long moment, his eyes cold and distant. Then he let out a small sigh, so miniscule that she did not notice it. He tossed her the blanket and it landed in a heap beside her.

"It gets cold late at night. Don't want you bitching about it and waking me up." He muttered gruffly before disappearing entirely inside of his room, the door closing behind him.

Maya could barely stop the smile that appeared on her face as she curled up with the blanket, Mello's slight but distinct scent clouding her senses. She knew that she had made the right decision to come and she knew that Mello was certainly not lost. She knew now, that she could bring him back to her. Never in her life had she been so grateful for a ratty old blanket because in his own way, he was telling her that she could _stay._

**Please let me know what you thought! I had this chapter written and then the file was corrupted and I had to rewrite it, so I don't feel that this version quite stands up to the original, so please leave me a review to reassure me that this is okay! And let me know if you found any spelling/grammatical errors throughout! xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**May 17****th****, 2001**

Mello noticed her sitting on her lonely little bench during the afternoon, just like any other day, but this time something was different. He saw her tear stained cheeks and her red nose and the way her shoulders shook every now and then with her sobs. His first thought was to keep walking, make a snide comment as he walked by her and laugh about it with Matt. But then, Mello realised that this was the first time Maya had cried in all of the four months that she had been at Whammy's. The first time he'd seen her, at least. Usually, new children cried incessantly for the first week or so of their arrival as they adjusted to their new surroundings, but not Maya.

So he decided to approach her, taking slow and careful steps until he stopped in front of her. She did not look up at him, and his feet inched to keep walking and take him far away. She just stared down at her worn, old notebook that she clutched so tightly it was starting to tear.

"What do you _want,_ Mello?" Maya asked quietly, though Mello thought she might as well have yelled the words they were so filled with venom.

He didn't know what he wanted and, come to think about it, he wasn't sure he really wanted anything. So he didn't reply. He remembered his mother once telling him that girls were fragile creatures. 'You must not hit them,' she had said. 'You must give them flowers and chocolates and tell them that they are beautiful.'

Maya, Mello knew, was not just some _girl_. She was this insane, intelligent girl who sat alone every day and wrote down all her thoughts in that one, curious notebook. Mello also thought that it was possible that next to Near, she was his biggest competition at Whammy's. But he decided that maybe, she would still like ordinary girl things. He thought about what his father used to do when his mother cried, and he remembered him hugging her and telling her that he would protect her.

Slowly, Mello sat down beside her and looked out over the rest of the large backyard. Children flitted about and laughed merrily, but from this bench the entire atmosphere was somewhat sombre. He wondered why she would choose somewhere to sit that made you feel so terrible.

Maya remained quiet, and Mello carefully glanced at the notebook that lay open in her lap. The words were scrawled messily, and he had to squint his eyes to read them.

_It has been four years. I still hate you as much as I did the day I found you. I wish you had taken me with you. I hope you and Dad are fu- _

The notebook was abruptly closed and Mello straightened, pretending that he had not just been caught reading her private thoughts. He let out a sigh and looked around absentmindedly, wishing terribly that he had just ignored her to begin with. The silence that hung in the air between them was deafening, and Mello thought this had turned out to be a downright awful idea. He never was very good at providing comfort.

"I hate her." Maya whispered, and Mello abruptly turned his head in her direction. He was surprised to hear her speak, and even more surprised at the words that escaped her lips. He decided he would try to give the whole comforting thing a go, and took a deep breath.

"No you don't." Maya didn't reply and Mello pushed on. "She's your mother. You can't hate her." He waited anxiously for her to speak again, but after a long bout of silence he let out a defeated sigh and began to stand.

"I found her, you know." Mello paused, glancing slightly to the frail girl beside him. Her little hands were curled in tight fists and he hesitantly sat back down. "Hanging from a lonely little tree in the backyard. My tyre-swing was hanging on the same branch."

"I didn't know."

"I wrote this for the funeral." Maya said quietly, her hands opening the notebook methodically and flipping to a well-known page. She retrieved a small scrap of paper and held it in Mello's vague direction, not daring to lift her head to look at him. He hesitated, wondering if he was about to cross some unspoken line that would changed them from being two orphans unfortunate enough to be thrown into the same house, to being friends. He could see her fingers starting to shake and he realised that even _he_ could not be cruel enough to deny a little girl on the anniversary of her mother's death. He took the paper carefully.

_There is no such thing as a beautiful suicide._

_All fingertips cease to touch; all hearts are broken._

_Bathrooms lie empty and vain, with blood running down the drain;_

_Bedroom doors are shut and the sheets tangle in the corner like hidden ghosts._

Mello vaguely wondered how an eight-year-old girl could write something like that, but then remembered that she had to have been accepted into Whammy's house for _some_ reason. He could feel his small moment of kindness disappearing quickly and knew that he needed to leave as soon as possible, or else a sarcastic comment would be inevitable. He carefully handed the scrap back to her and she looked at it for a moment before lowering her gaze, and Mello realised that she was telling him she did not want it. He slipped it into the pocket of his jeans silently.

He stood up swiftly and turned to walk away when he felt her nimble fingers wrap pathetically around his wrist, clinging tightly. He sighed and glanced back at her and Maya looked at him for the first time since he had sat down. Her eyes were wide and her brown orbs glittered with moisture threatening to fall. Mello gulped.

"Why are you being nice to me?" Maya asked quietly, and his eyes hardened. This was bad. She was not looking at him with her usual look of hate, but instead with curiosity. She did not fear him any longer. Yes, this was definitely bad.

"Because I wanted you to stop crying. You look ugly when you cry." He told her curtly, and watched as her eyes dulled and she wordlessly released his arm.

* * *

The following year, Mello found her lying in her bedroom. He walked in and looked down at her, her back to him as she lay on her side. Maya did not say anything, nor did she make any indication to show that she was aware of his presence at all.

He stood and waited for a long moment but, when he received nothing but a long bout of silence, he turned quickly to leave.

"Mello." She whispered, and he turned back to look at her. She did not turn to face him. "Could you lie with me? Just for a moment." He noticed that her voice didn't crack like it had last year, and he realised that she must not have been crying. He wondered if that was his fault.

Without replying, he slowly lay down on the small area of her single bed that her body did not cover. Mello stared up at her ceiling as he lay on his back, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what to do. He had never lain in bed with a girl before, and he felt embarrassment dwelling within him at his blatant inexperience.

Maya seemed to notice and, a moment later, she reached her hand out behind her and searched blindly for him. Hesitantly, he moved his hand towards hers and she wrapped her fingers around him, pulling his arm around her body. The rest of him followed the movement and he rolled onto his side, suddenly finding her pressed up against him. Mello felt her other hand entwine with the fingers on the arm she held, and she cuddled his arm close to her chest.

He could feel her heart beating slowly under his palm and tried to pretend it didn't relaxed him. He tried to ignore the smell of coconut from her hair as he rested his head on her pillow, and the smooth feel of her legs as his accidentally tangled with hers. When Mello finally took notice of her long, even breaths, he realised that she had fallen asleep and he carefully pulled himself away from her. He tried to pretend that he was not reluctant to leave.

* * *

The following year, she left the door open for him.

/

**So this chapter is a little bit shorter, but how did you guys enjoy this flashback? Did you like that little bit of their past together? Should I include more chapters like this in the future? **


	4. Chapter 4

The second time Maya's eyes fluttered open, it was because of a stream of sunlight shining directly in her face. She blinked slowly as she stared at the obnoxiously bright window, void of any sort of curtain. Her eyes slowly began to slide closed again, her body exhausted and jetlagged, until she heard a crisp voice from beside her.

"You're awake." She swore she almost jumped a mile in the air. She turned her head swiftly and saw Mello sitting in the same spot he had been the night before, this time with her feet slumped lazily in his lap. He was slouched back against the leather couch and his arms were resting casually over her ankles. In his hands, he held a small blue notebook, focused intently as his eyes drifted over the words scrawled along the pages. Wait a moment… that was _her _notebook.

Maya's eyes widened at the realisation and she let out a gasp, lunging quickly for the small journal. She grabbed it from his prying eyes and slammed it closed. A few painfully long seconds past before Maya realised her close proximity to Mello. One hand was pressed carelessly to his bare chest, keeping herself steady when she had lunged for the book. Her legs were curled underneath her as she knelt on the couch, and the blanket that had been covering her now lay bunched in between the pair.

"S-sorry." Maya muttered, slowly beginning to move away. Mello surprised both of them when he quickly reached his hand out and gripped to the wrist of the hand she held against him. He held it tightly in place and Maya stilled, looking unsure about what to do. "Why were you reading my notebook?" She finally asked, her voice quiet and still lined with sleep.

Mello glanced over at her for the first time since she had woken up, a bored look on his face. He didn't say anything, though. He just stared at her sternly for a moment, and Maya realised that was all the answer she was going to receive. She hoped terribly that Mello had not read anything she had written about him. But then again, everything she wrote these days seemed to be about him one way or another.

She let out a sigh and Mello felt her fingers relax against his chest, her nails scratching him slightly as she moved her hand. He relaxed his grip on her, but his fingers still hung lightly around her bony wrist. Her back slouched as her eyes drifted down to where her hand lay, resting over the unmarked portion of his skin. Cautiously, her gaze moved to the scarred skin covering his chest and, almost without thinking, her hand began to move towards it. He tightened his grip on her wrist once again and she looked back up at him, wondering silently if she was being too forward.

"Don't." Mello told her quietly, and Maya almost thought she heard a trace of weakness in his usually strong voice. "It's fine to be disgusted by me. You don't have to pretend. It's repulsive, I know." Maya's eyebrows pulled together in confusion and her gaze dropped back down to his scarred flesh. It didn't disgust her. She didn't see feral skin or tender scar tissue. She saw mountains.

Slowly, she began to move her hand again. Mello looked at her with a mix of anger and confusion, but she did not see it. She was simultaneously too scared to look at him and too fascinated to look away from his chest. She trailed her fingers lightly over the jagged line joining the scarred flesh to the rest of him, and Mello stiffened. She was surprised at how soft the skin felt under the tips of her fingers, and she watched in awe as her hand danced slowly up his chest.

Without realising, her fingers ghosted over his neck and onto the defined line of his jaw. Her hand stilled there, suddenly seeing what it was she was doing. She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks and bit down on her lip, forcing herself to remain in control.

"You shouldn't do that." Mello spoke quietly, and it almost sounded like she was being chided by a school teacher. Although when she thought about it, she had never gotten in trouble at school. It had always been Mello receiving the lectures – Maya always just managed to get caught up along the way, somehow.

"Do what?" She asked quietly, afraid that this fragile moment could be shattered at any instant.

"Touch me." Her eyes fluttered up to meet his and she saw him looking at her in what seemed like pain. For a moment she feared that his skin was more sensitive than she had realised, and she was terrified to think that she had hurt him. But when she moved to retract her hand, she noticed that look in his eyes intensify. Her hand stopped immediately. Instead, she slowly moved it up onto his cheek, where she rested it against his scar.

"Everyone needs to be touched, Mello." Maya told him softly. Her thumb stroked gentle patterns along the jagged line of mountains stretching down below his eye and Mello watched as she bit down on her lip quickly, the area turning white before reddening considerably.

"You should leave." He blurted, and when he saw the pained expression that washed over her like a tsunami, he almost wished that he could suck the words back down his throat. But he couldn't, he knew, so there was no point in thinking about it. Instead, he moved her hands off of him and pushed her away slightly. Maya watched as he quickly stood up and headed back towards his bedroom.

She followed after him immediately, pushing to her feet and feeling anger and determination pulse through her. She wondered if this was how Mello felt all the time. If so, she could understand his drastic mood swings.

"I won't leave. You can't make me." She shouted after him, and Mello stopped in the doorway of his bedroom.

"I can make you do anything I want, Maya." Mello stated calmly and she felt her blood boiling. She opened her mouth to reply, maybe tell him he was being a selfish prick, when the front door to his apartment was opened and an ignorantly happy Matt strolled in.

"Good morning, lovebirds!" He sung happily, and Mello growled at him. The brunette looked questioningly between the pair before his smile slowly faded, disappointed that they were arguing so soon. "What happened?"

"She won't leave." Mello stated matter-of-factly, and Maya narrowed her eyes at him.

"You need my help." She hissed at him, and Mello's eyes slowly moved back towards her, though his head stayed facing Matt.

"I don't _need_ anything from _you_." Mello snarled. Matt let out a sigh at the sight of the two of them at each other's throats. He supposed it was wishful thinking to hope they might have been getting along.

"God, you haven't changed at all! You're still an egotistical asshole!" Maya spat at him, and Matt's eyes widened as he watched Mello raise his arm and slap her with all his strength. Her head whipped to the side in a comic fashion.

"Dammit, Mello! You couldn't just-," Matt began stomping his way over to his hot-headed friend, but was stopped in his tracks as he watched the scene unfold before him. Maya turned back towards the Mafioso and let out a feral growl, her leg swinging back for a moment before her foot collided with Mello's shin.

"Are you really too self-absorbed to see how _badly_ you need my help? If I leave now, you'll be dead in a month." Maya stated lowly as Mello stared at her with wide eyes, apparently just as shocked as Matt at the small girls actions. Then, his eyes narrowed into slits and his head lowered.

He reached out and roughly grabbed a hold of Maya's shoulder, pulling her into him. She stumbled slightly but Mello didn't falter, reaching up his other hand and snaking it around her neck.

"Nobody talks to me like that." He spoke calmly, his fingers slowly pressing into her skin. Maya tried to look intimidating, to not look like she was absolutely terrified of this stranger in front of her, but it was difficult when her air supply was slowly being shut off. Her eyes began to widen and one of her hands reached up quickly to grab Mello's wrist, attempting to pull him away. "Nobody opposes me."

Mello didn't budge, only tightened his grip. Some sadistic part of him enjoyed the way her nails scratched at his skin as she tried to escape, the way her eyes widened in fear. Something inside of him wanted her to be afraid of him because she needed to understand what she was dealing with. He was a dangerous man.

"Mello…" She choked out, and his eyes widened. That one word, such a simple word, sent a shockwave thundering through his body and into his clouded mind and suddenly she was just an eight year old girl again, looking up at him in adoration, and he was _hurting _her. Mello let go of her in an instant and she collapsed to the ground in front of him, hair hanging in her face as she lowered her head and took deep breaths.

He took a careful step back, his eyes hard and emotionless. He couldn't let her stay here. No, it was much too dangerous, he now understood. He was much too dangerous. Or maybe, no, maybe that wasn't it at all… _She_ was much too dangerous.

"You need to leave." He told her once more, and didn't allow himself an extra moment to stare down at her, fragile and shaking at his feet. He knew it would already be engrained in his mind, anyway.

He turned around and walked briskly back inside his bedroom, closing the door behind him and ignoring the pang in his chest at the idea of never seeing her again. He knew it was for the best. If she stayed, she would destroy him. Mello tried not to think about the fact that he wouldn't really mind, if _she_ were the one to destroy him.

**Hmm... Thoughts? I wasn't sure about the way I wrote this chapter, but let me know if you like it or not! Favourite and follow if you deem this story worthy, a big thanks to everyone who has supported this story so far! The next update will be quicker, I promise! xx**


	5. Chapter 5

The following morning, Mello awoke with a scowl on his face. A part of him wanted to roll back over and sink into the depths of his mattress, where the air in his lungs would be forced slowly out of his heavy body and, with some luck, so would the pain in his chest. But he couldn't do that, he knew. He had things to do and people to kill and there was no way that he could be feeling so glum about some stupid little girl.

He crawled out of bed and pulled on his leather pants, sighing as he glanced at his half dressed reflection in the mirror of his bedroom. He thought his face, with the scar covering one side of it, was an almost too accurate representation of his personality. Two-sided.

Reluctantly, Mello pulled open his bedroom door and felt as though something big had landed on top of him when he saw his couch, empty. The vacant spot her body had once occupied added to the list of things weighing down on him, and he vaguely wondered if this would be the one that finally broke his back. He didn't let himself dwell, deciding instead to get out of the apartment and away from the horrid memories of _her_ as quickly as possible.

When he walked into the mafia hideout, the men looked up at him in mild surprise. He rarely showed his face at such an early hour of the morning, mostly due to his usually late nights the preceding day. Mello glared at the group as he walked in and most looked away, enough common sense in their small brains to know not to mess with him. Maya knew that now, too, Mello thought bitterly.

He pulled a bar of chocolate from the pocket of his jacket as he collapsed onto the wide sofa in the room, his usually well-behaved eyes straying to the women who threw themselves on his colleagues. He noticed the cigarette that one woman clutched tenderly between her fingers, and his nose scrunched up in disdain when she blew a stream of smoke out of her red stained lips.

He looked at another woman's long, brown hair. It was ratty and looked as though it had not been brushed for days, half of it pulled up in some sort of vague hairstyle. He looked at another's brown eyes, clad with too much drug store mascara that the beauty of the colour was concealed. He saw the bony wrists of another, and the leather shorts another woman dared to wear, and the plump lips that another woman used to smile towards him.

He felt his fingers twitching towards the gun that he had placed inside his jacket, furious at these women. They were nothing more than cheap look-a-likes and they would not hold a candle to the original. He snapped off a chunk of his chocolate angrily and forced his eyes downwards, his brow creasing.

"Say, Mello." Rod Ross, the leader of the mafia group, spoke out. Mello's eyes rose slowly and he looked at the bald man indifferently. "Your girl looks top-notch. Why don't you bring her around, sometime?" Mello felt his blood boil and his heart stop, and the next moment he was holding his gun. He was pointing it directly at the older man, who remained calm, although he straightened a little in his seat.

"How the fuck do you know about her?" Mello snarled out, and was angry with himself a moment later. It was possible that they didn't know about Maya, and this was just supposed to be a joke. Now, they knew undoubtedly that some sort of woman really did exist. The men vaguely wondered what kind of woman Mello would even be interested in and, more importantly, what kind of woman would be interested in Mello.

"Found your little lap dog walking around with her yesterday. Don't worry, I didn't hurt them." Rodd Ross smiled slowly and Mello felt his finger twitch on the trigger at the thought of him using the same smile on Maya. She would have been terrified, Mello thought.

"Stay away from her, you understand me?" Mello asked lowly, enough malice in his voice to dissolve the once calm atmosphere in the room. All eyes now locked onto him, a few men looking hesitantly at their boss as they awaited the order to shoot. Rod Ross did not answer the question, but his smile dissipated and he looked at Mello with dulled eyes.

"I'm not the one you should be worried about. Lots of rival gangs out there, Mello. Not to mention, Kira." Mello faltered at these words, not expecting consideration to come from the older man. "You want her safe? You keep her safe." With that, Rod Ross stood from his seat and walked casually out of the silent room. Mello continued to stare at the now vacant seat, his mind taking a moment to tell him to lower his gun. He didn't think the older man had ever offered him anything remotely useful. Why now?

Mello realised there was no point in dwelling on these thoughts. He had more important matters to attend to, such as Matt's funeral. How could that bastard be so careless as to roam the streets with Maya? Surely, the brunette knew better than that. Mello stood swiftly and retreated back out of the mafia hideout. He drove quickly towards the gamer's house, his knuckles turning white from his tight grip on the steering wheel. He would kill him. He would fucking kill him.

Mello arrive not too long after and slammed his car door behind him. He stomped to the front door and opened it, silently relieved it had not been locked. It would have been hard to maintain his forceful entrance, had he had to knock and wait to be let inside. He stomped up the hallway and toward the living room, where the sound of a video game echoed off the walls.

"Matt!" Mello shouted as he approached, rounding the corner and narrowing his eyes at the mop of brown hair. "Matt." He repeated, this time in a snarl. The other boy glanced over for a moment before looking back at his game, his fingers moving methodically as he concentrated.

"Something wrong?" Matt asked casually, more than used to this type of behaviour from Mello. It was not uncommon for the blonde to storm into his house in a rage. How could he have known that this was any different?

Mello glared at the boy a moment longer before he felt his anger bubble over inside him, the beeps from the video game encouraging his rage. In one second, he had grabbed the PlayStation controller from an unsuspecting Matt, and the next second it was implanted in the middle of the television. Matt's mouth dropped at the sight of his newly purchased plasma, now sporting a large crack through the middle from where the controller was wedged.

"The fuck was that for?!" Matt screeched, his half smoked cigarette falling from his mouth in his panic. "That was new! Brand fucking new!" He faltered slightly when he saw the look in Mello's eyes. He didn't think he had seen that particular look before, and realised that something terrible must have happened.

"I don't give a fuck." Mello snarled, pulling the other boy from his seat by his collar and pushing him roughly onto the floor.

"What happened, what's wrong?" Matt asked quickly, his panic quickly rising when he watched his friend pull a gun out from inside his jacket. Mello pointed the gun for the second time that morning, this time at his best friend.

"What were you thinking?" Mello shouted, his anger increasing when he saw the confused look on Matt's face. He didn't even _know_ how stupid he was. Mello let out another angry shout and walked towards the brunette, collapsing on top of him. He straddled the other boy's torso and shoved the gun hard between Matt's eyes. His head flew back to the ground at the force but Mello kept the gun against him, pressing his head into the floor.

"Mello…" Matt spoke, almost _warned_, and Mello let out a growl. He wanted an apology, he wanted an explanation, he wanted _something. _

"Shut up!" Mello shouted again, lowering his face towards Matt's for emphasis. Matt flinched slightly, his head trying to turn but the gun pressed against him kept him in place. "I will _fucking kill you,_ you piece of shit." Mello snarled, and a part of him was terrified that his words were not a lie. Would he really kill his best friend? Would he really go that far? Would he really-

"Mello." His name was spoken again, but Matt's lips had not moved and the sound was far too feminine. Mello felt his finger twitch on the trigger and he refused to look towards the voice, refused to see her. "Stop it." She said, a strange force behind her words. Mello could feel his breathing begin to falter, his breaths ragged as they fell from his mouth. Slowly, he looked towards her.

Maya. She was standing in the doorway leading to the back veranda, a packet of cigarettes in her hand. She had bags under her eyes and her hair was in shambles, almost looking as terrible as the woman's from the mafia hideout. Mello tried not to notice the red mark around her neck, but his eyes would not leave it. It was faint, but it was there- a perfect replica of Mello's right hand. The hand that now held a gun at his best friend.

Maya noticed him staring and let out a sad sigh, her free hand coming up to cover the mark. With it out of sight, Mello's eyes shot up to meet hers and his brow furrowed.

"The fuck are you doing here?" Mello snarled at her, though he noticed that his words didn't contain half the amount of venom they had a moment ago. "I told you to leave." Maya's eyes dulled and she walked calmly inside the apartment, approaching him.

"I did leave." She stated, and Mello felt his eyes roll. Stubborn girl.

"I didn't just mean to leave my house, and you know it." He told her, and she didn't respond. Mello realised she was looking at the gun in his hand and he stiffened, watching her carefully as she knelt down beside him.

Maya did not say anything, instead focusing all her concentration into keeping her hand from shaking as she lowered it on top of Mello's. His breath stopped when she did, and she didn't move it for a moment in fear that he would suddenly yell at her and pull the trigger. The last thing they needed was Matt, dead in between them.

When he didn't move, Maya carefully wrapped her fingers around his hand and pushed the gun away from Matt, who breathed out a sigh of relief when the metal left his skin. Mello studied her face as she focused on the gun, her hand starting to shake no matter how hard she tried.

Carefully, she unwrapped his fingers from the metal and pulled the gun out of his grasp. She looked at it, lying innocently in her hand, before she carefully placed it on the ground a distance away from them. Finally, she looked up at him.

"I'm not leaving." He opened his mouth to argue, tell her she was stupid and that she should get out now before she was hurt, but she spoke again before he could. "It doesn't matter _what_ you do, I'm not leaving." His eyes flickered down to her neck and he felt a pang in his chest as he looked at the mark up close. A monster. He was a monster.

"Don't you have any common sense? I'm telling you I don't want you here." Mello said, practically forcing the words out of his mouth. Maya didn't flinch.

"I'm not leaving, Mello." She repeated, and Mello let out a sigh. He dropped his gaze and stood from the floor, not glancing back at either of the two as he walked calmly back towards the entrance hall of the apartment. He paused before he rounded the corner, hesitating a moment before he turned back towards her.

"It's not safe for you, here." He stated. Maya opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off. "If you're going to stay, then you should stay at my place. I can protect you, unlike this useless prick." Mello told her, trying to keep his words casual although he could not ignore the strange feeling inside of him as he pushed his pride aside.

In any other circumstance, Matt would have interjected and called Mello an asshole, but he couldn't help but watch in awe at the sight before him. He had never seen his friend so utterly exposed as he was in that moment, standing in the hallway of his apartment. Matt could see the terror in his eyes at the thought of being rejected, at the thought of being rejected by _her_. Maya smiled.

"I'll get my things."

**So sorry about the wait, I've been totally swamped with assignments at the moment and I still am, so I don't think I can guarantee another update within a week, but I'll try as hard as I can! Thank you to everyone who is enjoying this story, it really does mean a lot!**


	6. Chapter 6

******I'M SO SORRY I JUST REALISED THAT I UPLOADED THE NEW CHAPTERS TO THE WRONG STORIES, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! (New chapter coming soon)**

**Warning: This fanfiction is now rated M because of this chapter... It just sort of happened, and if you're not comfortable with graphic content then I suggest you skip this one. I hope you all like it! **

It wasn't long before Maya discovered just how bad things had gotten with Mello. He was hardly ever around and, when he was out, Maya was under strict orders not to leave the house. In fact, she wasn't even allowed to walk by windows in case someone saw her and, as a result, the house was constantly consumed by darkness. Maya could feel herself slowly going crazy, and the tense atmosphere between her and Mello certainly wasn't helping things.

Maya also couldn't help but notice the lack of sleep Mello seemed to be getting. Of course, there was always the chance that he slept at the mafia hideout, since he seemed to spend a majority of his time there anyway, but the progressively dark bags under his eyes told another story. Maya also noticed how, with each passing day since she had returned to stay with him, his mood grew worse and worse. Maya was beginning to wonder if he really even wanted her there in the first place.

Her eyes snapped open one night to the sound of the front door opening, and she felt herself freeze up in the fear that someone had broken in. Then, she remembered that she had definitely locked the front door and that who ever it was had a key. Her fear rose considerably at the idea of Mello catching her, sleeping in his bed. In Maya's defence, it was such a lovely bed and _someone_ had to sleep in it. Besides, she was hardly going to sleep on a sofa when there was an empty bed available to her.

She lay stiffly and waited for the bedroom door to open and expose her, but it never did. After some time, Maya hesitantly lifted herself out of the bed and cracked open the bedroom door an inch. She saw Mello, lying on the couch that her body used to occupy. Confusion rang through her and she wondered what on earth he was doing. He let out a sigh and let his head fall to the side, his eyes slowly sliding open and focusing on her.

"Why are you awake?" Mello asked quietly. His voice sounded hoarse and it was clear that he'd had a long day. Maya was quiet for a moment as she decided which of her many questions was most important.

"Why are you sleeping out here?" She finally asked of him. Mello slowly turned his head back to the front and his eyes slid closed once again.

"Because you're sleeping in my bed. Obviously." Maya wondered how he even _knew_ that she was sleeping in his bed. Then again, it was Mello, and he seemed to always know everything. She both admired and feared that about him.

"How did you know that?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even although she was ever so slightly worried that he was angry with her. Mello didn't answer her at first, and Maya thought he had fallen asleep.

"I do come home _sometimes_, you know. Besides, it's my room. Of course I would know." Maya gave up after that, deciding it was best to give in and avoid making Mello angry. Maya quietly walked towards him and reached out for his hand, her fingers wrapping gently around him. His eyes shot open and he looked up at her questioningly.

Although he would never tell her, Mello was terrified. He was terrified that he would hurt her again, either physically or mentally, and he wasn't sure he could deal with the consequences. He had been a complete mess of guilt and shame since he had left a mark around her neck and, though it had faded, it was engrained permanently in his memory. How could she forgive him?

"You should sleep in your bed. You look exhausted." Maya told him quietly and Mello followed her obediently, too tired to argue. She led him back into his bedroom and, to Mello's surprise, closed the door behind her. Was she staying?

She told him to sit down on the bed and he did so, watching her carefully as she walked towards him. His breath caught in his throat when her fingers took hold of the zipper of his vest, slowly pulling it down and exposing his lean figure. She slipped it off his shoulders and pulled it away from his body, turning and placing it carefully on top of his dresser.

"Maya-," Mello muttered when she turned back towards him, but she placed her fingers against his lips and hushed him. He froze at the feel of them and for a moment, she simply looked at him. What was that Mello saw in her eyes? Although Maya would never tell him, it was love.

After a few achingly long seconds passed by, Maya carefully took her fingers away from his lips and moved her hands down to the top of his leather trousers. Without hesitance, she pulled on each end of the laces that held them up, untying them. She began to pull them off but before she could, Mello's hand shot down to still her. She glanced up at him questioningly and he looked at her sheepishly.

"I, uh… I'm not wearing anything, under these…" He muttered, annoyed at the heat that rushed to his face. Was he embarrassed? Maya pretended not to notice it and, to return the gesture, Mello ignored the equally horrific colour that rose on her cheeks.

Maya's thoughts swirled around chaotically for a long moment before she came to a conclusion in her mind. She loved Mello. She had loved him for a number of years, and she decided that there was perhaps no better way than this to tell him. Of course, this was not what she had intended. All she had planned to do was help him get more comfortable for bed. However, now that indecent thoughts whirled erratically in her mind, she wasn't sure she could silence them through her will power alone. No, this was what she wanted. _Needed._

Watching her carefully as she leant in towards him, Mello's eyes widened when he realised her intentions. Before he could protest her lips were on his and his breath was knocked out of him. He had often thought of her lips, but _fuck,_ he hadn't thought they would be this soft. She moved them gently against his and without realising it, Mello moved his back against hers. Maya could feel the hesitancy in his kiss and felt determination bubble within her. She wanted this, and she needed to show that to Mello.

She ran her tongue slowly along his lip and he accidentally let out a moan, opening his mouth to her. When her tongue clashed with his, all his precautions were thrown to the wind and he reached up his arms to wrap around her waist. Without the support of his arms behind him, Mello found himself falling back against the bed and, though he had not intended it, Maya went falling back with him. She quickly corrected the situation, crawling on top of him and straddling his waist, making sure not to separate their heated kiss as she went.

His fingers dug into the skin of her hips as her lips finally left his, moving down over his jagged scar and kissing along his jawline. She moved lower and bit down gently on his collarbone, the way his fingers gripped her tighter spurring her actions further. She lapped over the skin as he breathed raggedly beneath her, engulfed in silent pleasure.

Maya sat back up and Mello watched, entranced as she looked down at him with lust filled eyes. Her fingers gripped the bottom of her t-shirt and she lifted it over her head quickly, her breasts bouncing free as her lack of bra was exposed to him. His heart hammered loudly inside his chest and for the first time in a long time, Mello was nervous.

He didn't know why, exactly. He certainly wasn't a virgin and, by the looks of things, neither was she. This shouldn't have been a big deal, but Mello couldn't help but feel there was an overwhelming amount of pressure weighing down on them. Consequences lingering just below the surface, but he didn't want to think about that. All he wanted to think about was the way her breasts looked as they were exposed before him, moonlight flooding over her body and accentuating every curve she had to offer.

His arms still wrapped around her, he lifted himself up and wrapped his mouth around one of her nipples, his tongue flicking over the nub and eliciting a sharp gasp from Maya. Her hands trailed around to the back of his neck and her fingers wrapped around the strands of hair there, pulling on them gently as he sucked at the bud. He moved one of his hands up to rub over her other nipple, pinching it gently.

Another quiet gasp left her mouth and he sucked harder, wanting to hear her moan. He wanted to hear something in his head other than the strangled sound that escaped her when his hands had been around her neck. He wanted to hear _anything_ other than that god-forsaken sound. Spurred on by his sudden anger, he bit down harshly on the erect bud and finally, Maya let a moan slip out of her throat. Her hands travelled farther into his hair and she pulled tightly, her head falling back in pleasure.

Mello could feel the growing bulge in his pants and he was almost certain that she could feel it too. His suspicions were proven correct when she grinded her hips down against him and they both moaned in sync, completely entranced in one another. After a moment of pure torture, Maya pushed him back down to the mattress and climbed back off of him. She returned her hands to the sides of his pants and this time, Mello did not try to stop her when she pulled them down and freed his throbbing erection. She discarded them to the floor before pulling off her own shorts and Mello watched as they slid down her long legs.

He crawled backwards, further onto the mattress, his eyes locked on her the entire time. His breath caught in his throat when her fingers pushed under the band of her panties and then those too were shimmied down her legs. They pooled in a heap at her feet and she stepped out of them. Mello could feel himself growing impossibly harder at the sight of her walking towards him, her hips swaying sensuously and her body bare to him.

Maya climbed back on top of him and leant down to kiss him, their tongues battling viciously as she moved over his length, the head of him just barely grazing her entrance. Without disconnecting their lips she reached down between them and took a hold of his erection and Mello moaned into their kiss. She lined him up against her and then sunk her hips down onto him, unintentionally breaking their kiss as inch after inch of him was engulfed inside of her at a deliciously slow pace. Maya threw her head back with a moan and Mello let out a low groan, his fingers digging into her hips and helping her down.

When he was buried deep inside of her Maya steadied herself, placing her hands on his chest for support before she rose slowly on him and then sunk back down. Mello silently guided her hips, increasing their pace gradually until she was bouncing roughly on him. Her nails dug into his chest and her fingers dragged down over his torso, angry red marks left in their wake. Mello's hips began to thrust up to meet her and she let out a loud moan as he hit a spot deep inside of her.

He lifted himself up into a sitting position, his arms wrapping back around her waist as he continued to rock them gently. Her breasts were crushed against his chest and her fingers raked roughly through his hair as their mouths found each other once more. They breathed in each other's moans and pants and, with one final, hard thrust of his hips, Maya clenched uncontrollably around him and let out an achingly long moan in the form of his name. Her climax sent Mello over the edge and he lowered his head, groaning into her collarbone as he came inside of her.

Mello slowed his thrusts until his hips stopped completely and he panted against her skin. Maya lay her head on the top of his as she caught her breath, her fingers caressing his hair much more gently now. After a long moment Maya climbed off of Mello and collapsed beside him, curling her body into him as he lay back on the mattress. His breathing was still heavy as his breath slowly returned to him and Maya trailed her eyes carefully over his body, taking the moment to memorise every inch of him.

Mello gradually rolled onto his side before he looked over to Maya's dishevelled form and he smiled lazily at her, his mind still hazy. He realised they were still lying horizontally on the bed and he quietly told Maya to get into bed properly. She pulled herself around and under the covers and felt warmth bubble up inside of her as she watched him crawl over her and slip into the bed beside her.

A million questions raced through Mello's mind as Maya rested her head against his chest, but for now he focused on her steady breathing and the sweet smell that hung in the room. He vaguely noticed that the bed smelt like her and he wondered how long she had been sleeping in here. He wondered if Maya slept in his bed because she was lonely, or perhaps afraid that someone would come for her at night when she was alone.

Mello felt a pang of guilt at the realisation that he hadn't been protecting her, and he needed to see to that immediately. But for the moment, he was content to lie beside her and drift off into a peaceful sleep. Everything else, Mello decided, could wait until the morning.

**Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of this extremely smutty chapter, and favourite/ follow if you deem this story worthy! I hope it wasn't too much, and that everyone is still enjoying reading! Thanks! **


	7. Chapter 7

**June 9****th****, 2004**

"Are you going cry, like a little baby?"

"Yeah, come on and _cry_, you little cry baby!"

Mello listened absentmindedly to the pathetic conversation being held nearby, though he was more concerned with thinking up new ways to sabotage Near. He was going back over all of their past encounters, trying to figure out what weakness the albino possessed. So far, he had come up with nothing.

"What do you write in this stupid thing, anyway?" Still half listening to the bullies' cruel words, his thoughts were immediately drawn to Maya. Yes, what _did _she write in that notebook of hers? Mello wondered if it was all as dark as that small passage she had shared with him, words she had spoken at her mother's funeral. He had shoved the scrap of paper in the top drawer of his dresser later that day, not willing to simply throw it away. It had seemed important, Mello thought.

"Please give that back." Mello's eyes shot open at the sound of her voice, and he suddenly realised who was on the receiving end of the harsh bullying. He sat up on the grass he and Matt were occupying and searched for the source of the voices.

"What are _you_ gonna do to make me?" He spotted them over by the bench she was always sitting on. Three boys around the same age as Mello were crowded around her, sneering down at her. The boy in the middle held her notebook in his grubby hands. Maya looked as calm as she usually did, with her head lowered and her back straight.

"I'm asking you to give it back to me." She repeated, and the boys around her started laughing. Mello frowned. Why were they picking on _her?_ At the very least, couldn't they have found someone their own age to pick on? Mello thought they mustn't have been very strong, to pick on a girl one year younger.

"You're not going to go over there, are you?" Matt asked from beside Mello, his eyes focused on the video game in his hands. Mello wondered how he had figured it out without looking up.

"Shut up." He muttered unintelligibly in response. Lately, he had been getting a lot of shit from Matt about the way he acted around her. 'You're different when she's around. You smile. It's creepy.' Mello frowned, pushing himself to his feet and strolling towards her.

"Hey, look at this! It's a love letter!" One of the bullies squawked, and Maya's head shot up.

"Stop! Give it back!" She spoke again, but this time her voice was much more frantic. A love letter? Mello wondered why he was angry at the idea of her writing love letters to some _guy._ He wondered whom it was, and was frustrated that she would settle for any of the rotten boys at Whammy's. She was above all of them, Mello thought.

The bully chuckled at her panic and cleared his throat dramatically, obviously intending to read it aloud. He had attracted the attention of some of the other kids now, and they were beginning to gather around him. Mello quickened his pace.

"I want to show you the parts of myself that I have yet to even learn how to love." The bully spoke, his voice theatrical and high as he impersonated a girl. Mello felt his fists clench as he listened to the words, and he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to hear any more.

"I want you to be the first person who sees me in a light that I have not yet grown familiar with seeing." The boy continued, and a few people laughed. As he grew closer towards the group, he noticed the pain clear across Maya's face and decided he had to stop this, now.

"Hey!" Mello shouted loudly, and the boy glanced towards him curiously. When the boy realised who it was, a smirk appeared across his face and Mello scowled. This was just some average-grade boy in his class, who was more interested in throwing spitballs than in achieving anything. The only reason he had even been accepted to Whammy's was because he was so good at sports, and it wasn't like _that_ was going to get him anywhere. What was he going to do, throw a football at the murderer's head to solve the case?

"I shouldn't be surprised. You've been quite the obedient dog lately, haven't you Mello?" The boy chuckled, and Mello began pushing through people in order to get to the front.

"Give me the book." Mello demanded, and the boy scoffed.

"Why should I? We're just getting to the juicy part!" He mocked, and Mello vaguely noticed the red that crept across Maya's face.

"I'm warning you." Mello growled, finally pushing his way to the front of the circle and coming face to face with the boy. His eyes darkened and Mello knew that he was not going to back down. He wondered how much trouble he would get in for what he was about to do.

"Why don't you just-," Mello didn't let him finish, raising his fist back behind his head and pulling it forward with enough force to knock the boy down. His eyes widened and he clutched to his nose, now spilling with blood. The next moment, he began wailing loudly and Mello crouched over him to snatch the book away. He turned to look at Maya, who was looking at the bully with cold eyes.

"Maya." Mello spoke monotonously, and she looked up at him. "Let's go." The crowd moved apart when Mello turned to leave and Maya could feel every set of eyes on them as they walked. It was clear that everyone feared Mello and, if they hadn't before, they did now. Everyone but her.

Almost without meaning to, Mello accidentally glanced down at the notebook and scanned his eyes over the full passage written there.

_I want to show you the parts of myself that I have yet to even learn how to love. _

_I want you to be the first person who sees me in a light that I have not yet grown familiar with seeing._

_I want to experience everything with you._

_Every first, every last, and every kind of forever._

His eyes narrowed at the words and he felt like hitting whoever she was talking about. How dare she let anyone make her feel like that! Didn't she know how much better she was? Mello closed the book with a thud and extended his arm backwards, offering it to her. After a short pause, he felt her nimble fingers take it from him.

They walked in silence for a long time, and Mello wasn't entirely sure where he was taking her. They were almost to the dormitories, and Mello didn't know what they would do when they arrived there. Her gentle voice drew him back to the moment, as calm as ever, unwilling to reveal anything.

"It's about you." She mumbled, and Mello stopped. A moment later he felt her bump into him but he still didn't move, not understanding her words.

"What is?" He asked carefully, not wanting to give anything away. Was the passage about _him?_ Why did the idea of that make him feel so damn nervous?

"What I wrote." She replied after a pause, and Mello gulped. _I want to experience everything with you._

He turned around suddenly and Maya's eyes widened, suddenly so close to him. She could feel his shaky breath against her face and she froze, not daring to look into his eyes. She felt her mouth go dry and licked her lips and Mello's eyes were immediately on them. _Every first._

He lifted a shaky hand up to her face, placing it against the side of her head after a moment. It felt wrong, and he carefully moved it down until it rested under her chin. Maya vaguely noted that it was the same hand he had used to punch the boy, and she wondered if his knuckles were bruised. She didn't dwell on it, however, because she was too caught up with the fact that his face was getting closer to hers and she realised she was leaning in.

She panicked. She had never done this before, and she wasn't sure if Mello had. She thought he probably had, and that made her even more nervous. Would he laugh at her if she was rubbish? She could feel her hands starting to shake and in order to occupy them, she clutched to the material of Mello's shirt.

He was watching her intently and, though at first she wouldn't look at him, she eventually lifted her eyes to meet his. They studied each other for a split second before her eyes squeezed closed and it took Mello another moment before he realised he was supposed to close his too. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest and he hoped that her hand wasn't resting close enough to feel it.

Clouded in darkness and feeling as though his body was about to shatter, he pushed his head in the final inch and closed the distance between them. The moment her lips touched his, every nerve within his body disappeared and he could not remember one ounce of knowledge he had ever learnt, which was a lot. All he knew was that her lips were impossibly soft against his and she tasted like strawberries and for a moment, he thought he might have liked it better than chocolate.

He began to pull away in fear of his legs turning to jelly and he felt something dig into his lip. Opening his eyes, he realised that she had bitten down on his bottom lip and, when she realised what she had done, her face flushed a deep crimson. With that, Mello decided that yes, he definitely liked this better than chocolate.

* * *

Maya's eyes snapped open and she looked around the room carefully, not fully processing where she was. Then, she realised that she was not wearing her usual nightgown and in fact, was not wearing anything, and suddenly everything came back to her. She immediately looked beside her and could not hide the pang of disappointment she felt when she found the bed empty.

She crawled out from under the covers and slipped on her nightgown, discarded on the floor. She quickly scanned the room for some sort of note but didn't find any, so made her way towards the bedroom door. When she opened it, Maya felt her disappointment flux to panic. Mello wasn't there.

"Mello?" She called carefully, in hope that he was in the bathroom. She got not reply, but decided it was better to check anyway. She looked into the kitchen on her way past and found that he was not there, either.

When she found the bathroom empty as well she felt a sinking in her stomach and her hands began to shake. She ran back out into the living room and looked around frantically for a note or _anything_ to tell her he was coming back. She just needed_ something._ But she couldn't find it.

Mello was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Maya was stupid. Mello had left her before and she was stupid for believing that he wouldn't do it again. She was stupid for believing that something had changed between them and she was stupid for thinking that they could finally be together. She was just a stupid, little girl.

Her thoughts darkened as she thought about the day she found out he had left Whammy's, and the sudden burst of panic she had experienced. She realised the same panic was growing on her now, as well, and she couldn't bring herself to care. She didn't care if she died right there and then, because Mello was gone and there was nothing left for her. Did he realise she had given up _everything_ for him? She had quit her job, left her home and moved to fucking LA for him. He was all there was for her anymore, and he was gone.

Maya felt her breath quickening in her panic and her chest tightened as she let out a sob, gasping for air. She raked her shaky fingers through her hair and pulled hard on the strands, slowly sliding down the wall until she hit the ground. She heard the sound of a door clicking open somewhere to her right but she couldn't process it, couldn't think about anything but the lack of breath inside her lungs and all the reasons Mello didn't want her. Everything about her was wrong.

"Quiet, I think Maya is still asleep." She heard his voice, but she couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe he would come back for someone like her. He hadn't the last time and he wouldn't this time. Wouldn't ever. She kept gasping for air, her lungs kept pushing it back out and she felt her panic growing with every short breath she took.

"So you two are doing alright, then?" Another voice. Matt. She was getting dizzy, not enough air. Where were her cigarettes?

"I- I guess." The voices were getting closer and Maya felt her panic growing stronger still. No, she couldn't let anyone see her like this. Couldn't let _him_, especially. Her hair was a mess from her fingers running through it and her eyes were red and puffy. Why was this happening now?

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean? You didn't…" Silence. "You did, didn't you!?" Mello scoffed at the brunette, annoyed at his presumptuous nature. Sure, he might have been right this _one _time, but that hardly mattered. Mello wasn't sure it was any of his business, anyway, but knew the gamer wouldn't let up until he had an answer.

"Yeah, we fucked. No big deal, Matt." Mello stated firmly and, although Matt opened his mouth to argue the ridiculous statement, no words came out. They had walked into the living room and Matt's eyes had immediately landed on her. A second later, Mello saw her as well and he dropped the plastic bag in his hand.

She was leaning against the wall with her legs pulled up against her chest, her head resting in between them. They could both hear her frantic breathing and, although Mello stayed frozen in his spot, Matt immediately jumped to action.

He was by her side in a second, his fingers combing carefully through her hair, his other arm wrapped around her tightly. Mello watched from his spot as his best friend whispered carefully into Maya's ear, pulling her into him. Her legs dropped to the ground and she slowly turned her head towards him, her eyes wide and full of fear. Her breathing was still erratic and Matt looked just as scared as Mello felt.

Matt noticed the shaking of her hands and immediately wrapped both of his hands around hers. He squeezed them tight and tried to calm her but she wasn't listening.

"Mello." Matt spoke, and Mello jumped at the amount of authority his voice suddenly held. "Where are her cigarettes?" Mello didn't have the heart to reply.

Matt looked at him after a moment, exasperated. "I… I threw them out. Didn't want _both_ of you smoking." Mello told him, his voice defensive, and Matt let out a long sigh. Seeing the annoyance over Matt's face, Mello felt anger and perhaps jealously creep up inside him. Why was Matt the one comforting her, and what the hell was _wrong_ with her anyway? Why didn't _Mello_ know?

"What's the matter with her?" Mello asked, demanded. Maya's eyes shot to him suddenly and her breathing, which Matt had gradually been slowing down, grew erratic once again. Mello felt frozen under the fear in her eyes and he didn't understand why she was so afraid of him. _What had he done? _

"Mello." She whispered, the faintest sound he had ever heard, but the moment he heard it he was by her side. Matt looked at him hesitantly, as if unsure if his presence was a help or a burden, and Mellow scowled at him for a moment. Then, he turned towards Maya and placed his hands either side of her face. His fingers dug into her hair slightly and he held her head firmly, focusing her eyes on him and him alone.

"What's the matter?" He asked her, his voice as gentle as he could manage. It had been a long time since he had comforted someone and, thinking back to it, he thought Maya was probably the last person he had comforted before this, back at Whammy's. He watched her pull her hands from Matt, who let go of them and watched her carefully, as if waiting for Mello to make a wrong move.

She moved her hands up to his face and ran them from his temples to his jaw, where her thumbs traced circles over his skin. He saw her eyes beginning to water and watched as tears began to drop onto her nightgown. Maya's eyebrows pulled together and Mello imitated her expression unknowingly, watching her every move.

"You came back." She whispered after what felt like an eternity, and Mello swore he felt something inside his heart shift. _That's_ what this was about? "I thought you were gone… but you came back." She said quietly, and his grip on her tightened. Mello had never felt so terrible about anything in his entire life. This was because of _him?_

His eyebrows furrowed together as he studied her face, hoping pathetically for some indication that this was not his fault. But it was and he knew it and, after another moment of frustration, he pulled her face towards his and kissed her hard and quick. He kissed her again and again, wherever he could, trying to tell her that he would always come back. He just didn't know how to say it.

He noticed Matt leave eventually, tired of watching the display of affection and satisfied that Maya was okay, and Mello curled her body into his. She wouldn't let go of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, locking them behind him as he peppered her with kisses. He eventually stopped, and not long after he felt her breathing even out completely and realised she had fallen asleep in his arms.

Mello let out a shaky breath and rubbed the hand that was not supporting her back over his face, surprised to feel moisture there. Was he crying? He wiped quickly at his eyes and took another moment to regain his composure before he pushed to his feet, Maya held carefully in his arms, and walked outside onto the balcony where Matt was smoking.

Matt glanced towards him when he opened the door and then looked away again, inhaling deeply and trying to relax. Mello carefully took a seat beside him, Maya still cradled in his arms. He didn't want to let her go in case she woke up and he wasn't there again.

"Are you going to tell me what the _hell_ happened?" Mello asked quietly, and Matt sighed. He didn't want to tell Mello what had happened, because that would mean Matt would be forced to remember how much he had hated Mello at one point.

"It was a panic attack." He finally said, and Mello frowned.

"Since when did she have panic attacks? She never had one at Whammy's." Matt blew out a long line of smoke and didn't answer for a long moment, thinking back to the first time she had ever had one. He was there, and he had been terrified.

"She started having them once you left." He told Mello, who looked at him in utter disbelief. His immediate reaction was to be angry, be defensive because Matt was implying that it was _his _fault she started having them. But Mello wasn't so sure that wasn't true, so he stayed quiet.

"When she found out you'd left she had one, and I didn't know what to do. I thought she was having a god damn seizure or something. It was terrifying." Matt told him after some time, his mind replaying the events of that day.

"She started smoking not long after that, said it stopped them most of the time." Mello felt instantly terrible because this probably could have been avoided if he hadn't thrown out her cigarettes. But how the hell was he supposed to know something like _this_ would happen?

"That's why her hands shake? Because she's panicking?" Mello asked eventually, and Matt nodded slowly, deep in thought.

"Look, Mello… I don't know if you're serious about her or not but you need to realise how much it fucked her up when you left last time. I don't know if she can handle that again, especially after what you guys... did." _We fucked,_ Mello thought. Why couldn't Matt just say it? Mello was frustrated that Matt thought so little of him. Did he really think that he would just walk out on her again – on _both_ of them?

"You don't need to worry about that. I have no intention of leaving her." Matt didn't answer, wasn't sure how to phrase what he needed to say. After a long moment he just sighed.

"You just don't understand." He said quietly, and Mello subconsciously pulled Maya closer towards him.

"Understand what?" He demanded in a louder voice than he had intended. Matt hesitated.

"Why don't you try reading her notebook sometime. Try to see things the way she does. Maybe that will help." Mello didn't speak again after that and Matt no longer had the energy to explain further, so silence began to envelop them.

Matt knew how damaged Maya was, even if she didn't let Mello see it. He couldn't keep track of how many times he had curled her into his arms just as Mello had today, and told her it would be okay even though he wasn't really sure it would be. Mello had left both of them behind and, truthfully, Matt didn't think either of them had ever fully recovered from the blow.

Matt looked sideways at Mello, whose eyes were focused intently on Maya. His arms were wrapped carefully around her and Matt didn't think he had ever seen his best friend's face look quite so sincere as it did in that moment. And although he could never forget the damage Mello had caused, Matt hoped that he could trust Mello to fix every single crack he had left in Maya's heart.


End file.
